Let’s Talk About Sex
Interview with Pedro Marques in the Vamos Faira De Sexualidade blog.
As a sexual shamanic healer your job is to support the connection of each client with their own body, so they may feel the sensations and emotions through which their bodies constantly communicate to them. How important is it for you to work on this connection and on the development of mind and body towards a better sexual life?
“I support your sexual and relational life; I fill the gaps in your sexual and relational education
I support you to release the fear guilt and shame you hold around sexuality
I direct you to become a more powerful being who lives in abundance
I deal with sex without any shame, blame, negative judgements or beliefs so that you can talk about what challenges you
I support you moving towards greater pleasure and fulfilment in your life.”
Having these thoughts as starting point, how fundamental do you think this sexual teaching task is, just as the providing of tools to prevent shame, guilt, negative judgments and to achieve a positive sexuality?
I’m not 100% sure what you are asking here but this is my response:
Sexuality is way more than just having sex, its about our relationship to life. It’s about the degree of vulnerability we can allow ourselves to be with, its about being able to feel all the emotions, all the sensations in our body.
When we engage in sexuality, either by ourselves or with another/s we will meet our conditoning around sexuality, this usually shows up as guilt, fear and shame, but can also show up as trauma in the body. Many people get stuck at this place and find strategies not to feel these emotions as they are often labelled as ‘wrong’. Or ‘dark’ or in some way not ok. This limits our sexual expression, the experiences we can have and can show up as sexual symptoms such as inability to gain an erection, pain during penetration, and an inability to orgasm.
You also work on the bod orgasm and energy orgasm. How important is it to work on these orgasms, and may it bring improvement to the way in which the body can be free and feel pleasure?
Orgasm is a release of energy, so we can use orgasmic energy to release old energies that may have become stagnant in the body which block our capacity to feel. I don’t like the idea of ‘working’ on orgasm, too much of our sexual culture is about pushing and forcing and trying to get somewhere. My work is much more organic, I take the goal out of sex, then that creates a space for whatever is there to arise, whether that’s pleasure or sadness, joy or frustration. I see sexuality as a healing tool, it supports us to feel our bodies and to heal whatever we may be holding onto within them.
You coach men and women to end their problems and sexuality dysfunctions, as size related issues, porn addiction, not being able to get sexually involved in a natural and connected way, not achieving orgasms and unsatisfying relationships.
You offer, still, support to women suffering from postpartum sexuality challenges.
How essential is it to develop these sort of supports and offer space for these men and women to talk about their sexual issues and find ways to solve it with the help of sexual coaches?
If we are to become free, buy that I mean spiritually liberated, or just more content with our lives, then in my opinion we need to be able to feel all sensations and all emotions as they show up in the body. We can’t select the ‘good’ feelings and avoid the ‘bad’ ones, it doesn’t work like that! When we suppress one emotion, we suppress them all. So sexuality can be seen as a doorway into a deeper relationship with ourselves. You see many people have issues around their sexuality because of the sex negative culture most of us have been raised in, shrouded in shame, we don’t ask questions, and many of us don’t have people who we can ask about sex when we are first experimenting in it. So we find our way fumbling around in the dark, trying to make sense of this thing that’s meant to be great, but for many its a disappointment, a let down, a mine field of emotional turmoil. But with support and determination we can begin to know ourselves more deeply by working through the emotional content of sexuality so we can integrate the parts of ourselves that have been cut off by shame for example. This isn’t an easy path, its confronting, but if we persevere we can find a more peaceful, whole version of ourselves and through this more pleasure reveals itself to us.
People need a space where they can receive a positive sex education, much of my work is about offering this, you’d be surprised how limited most people’s knowledge is about sexuality! Ideally we would have all received a sex positive education when we were young, but as that didn’t happen for most of us, we are needing to get this information as adults. I see having this information supports empowerment and deep healing.
How fundamental is it for you to create the space for women to learn about their sexuality, help them work through their sexual problems and pregnancy?
So to be clear I don’t help women through their pregnancies! I do work with women postpartum, but my womb healing work is around clearing old patterns of relating, opening to creativity, and supporting energies to flow through the scared container of the womb.
I see many women have deeply suffered as a consequence of a lack of positive sex education, so creating a space where woman can share offers the safety for them to truly share their stories, many women feel threatened to share this in the company of men, especially in cases where sexual assault, sexual violence has taken place.
And can the touch be a critical factor to the improvement of the relationship, conscious, affectivity, and union between people?
Touch supports to regulate the nervous system so when two people share touch they can co-regulate their nervous systems, touch also release oxytocin the cuddle hormone which brings us closer together. In a relationship its really beneficial to learn about the dynamics of touch so that the energy exchange can flow from over person to another with ease. It’s often an area where communication is hard in relationship and boundaries get crossed causing friction and conflict.
How may tantra be enriching to every person’s sexuality? What have you learnt from tantra?
I don’t really like to isolate the word Tantra in the context of sexuality as its so much bigger than that word denotes!!! I like to consider all the realms of sacred sexuality or conscious sexuality as the path to sexual healing, as this includes for example coaching, which I wouldn’t describe as tantric!!
My life has radically changed and continues to do so through all the practices, wisdom, and knowledge that I’ve gained through my training and personal development. It’s one of greater empowerment, more authenticity and a deeper level of embodiment. The journey doesn’t end here as in my experience embodiment just keeps going deeper and deeper.
Project Let’s Talk About Sexuality