Learning to Love Our Selves In all our Emotional States
My approach as a sexological body worker, empowerment coach and trauma healer is holistic, meaning all that my client brings is welcome, whether that’s their concerns and shame around their sexuality, their yet to be unravelled trauma, or their deep unmet grief.
I see so many people struggle with expressing their emotions, they try to make sense of them, by rationalising and putting them into a box labelled ‘dangerous’, but leaving themselves with an ever decreasing space within from where they can live their lives. Suffering from the disease of emotional emaciation becomes the norm, where they live their lives emotionally impoverished and deadened.
Learning to Love Our Selves
Learning to love ourselves in all our emotional states I consider to be one of the greatest gifts we can offer to ourselves and then to share this gift with the rest of humanity. We are taught emotions are wrong, not to be shown, we blame and shame ourselves for not being in control of our emotional responses to life.
Human beings are not created to be in a permanent fixed emotional state, rather we live in a sea of emotional fluctuation. I would go further to say we cannot be healthy unless we accept and experience the FULL range of emotional expression.
Learning to accept ourselves
Learning to live with an extended emotional range, we stop creating the suffering that arises from avoiding pain. We start to embrace our grief, we see it as an antidote to depression and stress by letting our tears cascade down our faces knowing their soothing balm will soften and open our hearts once more.
Grieving is an irreplaceable tool for managing the intense emotions that arise when past traumas rise to the surface via the process of being triggered. It supports us to go to the depths of our pain, into the death like experience of being trapped, lost and abandoned, so bringing parts of ourselves, that may have got stuck in a timeless space in the psyche, back to life in the welcome home of our consciousness.
Effective grieving allows us to grieve out of shame – the death of our self-compassion and our self-esteem, and out of fear – the death of feeling safe. When we pay the necessary attention to this emotional energy of grief we develop a multidimensional practice of self-care and tend the soil for the seeds of self-compassion and self-protection to grow.
Anger plays a significant role in the passage of grieving, it’s the grieving technique of using aggression to shed past losses and injustices. Through it’s release, toxic shame purges from a lifetime of diminished self-esteem. Combined with our capacity to say ‘no’ we establish healthy boundaries and live through a backbone of self-protection.
With the dam of emotions unblocked the river of intimacy flows, we can connect with others and be seen and loved, without the fear that we need to hide an ‘unacceptable’ part of ourselves. Living a life of emotional expression is the foundation to create intimacy-enhancing relationships and furnishes us with the emotional flexibility required to navigate and live our lives fully.
Give yourself the greatest gift of coming home to yourself this year.