Do you want better sex?

Better sex

Do you find that sex isn’t as satisfying as you want it to be no matter what new toys, positions or ideas you introduce?


When I worked as a sexological bodyworker the number one problem women came to me with was an inability or unsatisfying orgasm, and the number one problem for men was an inability to last as long as they desired, despite them using new sex toys, finding new lovers, or exploring a new expression of their sexuality.

What was clear to me was that their issue wasn’t a lack of creativity. Instead they had nervous systems that didn’t yet feel safe with feeling sexual energy and being in sexual expression, because they were in survival response.

Let me explain.

A nervous system that’s in survival will respond in the following ways:

  • Sympathetic survival state – energy will move quickly, meaning orgasm will be a rush, premature ejaculation happens, tightness and pain in the vagina occur and sex will follow a predictable trajectory of high arousal leading to peak orgasm, often with less pleasure than we would really desire.

  • Parasympathetic survival state – energy feels stuck or disconnected, there may be numbness in the genitals, feelings of dissociation, not being present to the experience, inability to orgasm.

  • Social nervous system in survival – the focus will be on pleasing the other whilst bypassing your own needs, being unaware of your own needs, not feeling safe to have or express needs, saying yes when you mean no or maybe, going along with things, lack of consent. All of which lead to unsatisfactory sexual experiences because it doesn’t feel safe to focus on yourself and your pleasure.

Healing your relationship with these survival states gives you access to states that are pleasure filled, sensual, deep, expansive and highly sexual – but with the absence of pressure, rush, pain or disconnect.

We can do this through:

1) Becoming aware of your nervous system and how it operates

2) Embodied experience and recognition of nervous system states

3) Embodied tools and practices to illicit state change through repetition

4) Developing a practice plan that you can stick to to create the results you most desire

 

So that you can develop choice and agency around the type of sexual experiences the nervous system is available for.

This nervous system focused work is what we do in my Anchored in Regulation course, designed to empower you to have some level of safety in your nervous system so you can experience a more pleasure centred, connected and deeply satisfying sexuality and life.

Join the waitlist here.